Month: May 2020

Terrible

I am not alright
The pain keeps me up at night
Boiling in me, a dread
Of when will I be dead
Who am I to say
That I will be alright this day
Or the next
Stuck in this complex
I am in a muck
Fuck
Perplexed by the thoughts in my head
Unable to lay in my bed
Each night I fret
Of the return of the regret
That is rotting my mind
All that I see is in the hind’
It is stumbling in front
Of the way I confront
Life
And living with this strife
I find unbearable
What I decide is terrible.
---5/24/20---

I am the…

I am the inferno
Scorching all I meet
Trail of ash in wake
I walk alone

I am the tempest
Toppling all in my way
Gloom follows me
I walk alone

I am the pestilence
Rotting all rope binds
Decay hangs around me
I am utterly alone.

I am the destroyer
Of all that I hold,
It turns to dust
In my hands I see
A world that blows away.

--Andy McRae----5/12/20--

Skipping

The room seems to shift
As if what was there,
Were on repeat.
I am lost in realms of reality,
But they are not my own.

Skipping,
Events replaying.
 
Skipping,
Entire moments missing.
 
Spinning out of control
A fractured wheel
That made me whole.
 
I am losing my mind
As the universe
Unravels around me.
 
 
4/22/20

ECHOES

Echoes from all around
Drum beating coming from the ground
Vibrations ripping me to a shred
Voices are sounding off in my head
Thoughts puddle as my mind
Melts to simple mercury, unrefined
These noises cascading in me
Escape is impossible to me
Unless I pull the cord
But that sends me toward
The end.
 
Andy McRae—5/11/20

Makeshift

A flick of fire in the eyes
Of a figure broken in to two sides.
 
Pieces scattered all around,
From when he shattered on the ground.
 
Punctured by shards of his own,
The wicked side stabs the 'lone.
 
From these pieces I shall make
A man greater than his fate.
Forge them in his own fire,
Breathes of the dragon's tongue,
Burning the soul of which, he is from.
 
Once divided, before then whole,
This makeshift man shall walk again.

This is a old poem of mine, early college years if I had to guess.

Notecard Poem #6

Soft whispers of nature near by
Lifting the clouds out of the sky
Darkness retreats up the mountains high.
 
With leaves on the ground
I ponder the World
How it turns, how it will change
 
And well the Moon seems round
Still the World seems shut off
But the Sky only opens.

The last of the series. It was fun finding these poems that I had forgot I had even written.

Glass Globe 2

Glass lying there on the table
Globe of miniature size,
Galaxies missing around it,
Gone, this world lies alone.

Landscapes luminated by
Light hitting the right angles,
Labyrinths unfolding in the
Layered prisms of the world.
 
Observing the minute details
Overlooked features come forth,
Oceans not there before,
Oases in large bloom.
 
Breathtaking views set scene for
Battlegrounds of wars unseen,
Beaches and skies, neither are fought,
Barriers are broken by the turmoil.
 
Existence is broken in the struggle,
Entity that this is, it is shattered.
Exposure to the light has burned
Every surface around this glass globe.
 
--Andy McRae--  --5/7/20--

Bleeding Out

You broke into my heart,
Opened up the veins,
And now it’s bleeding out.
 
You stabbed me in the back,
Ripping through my skin,
Now my world is blacking out.
 
Cut away this misery,
Your twisted ways are killing me,
And now I’m bleeding out.

This is an old one that was forgotten about most likely because it was never named.

Last Night

It is not what is happening that scares me,
It is that it already once drove me mad.
 
It was one thing to feel her cold talons
Death’s grip wrapped tightly round my throat.
The darkness that choked me
That night I died,
I keep visiting it,
In my head
Again,
And again.
It has no end.
 
To have fought that battle,
Escaping with nothing but a scar.
To survive through it all
Only to see the clouds
The sky blacking out.
 
It is not the madness that fears me
It is the thought of what may come last.
 
                    - Andy McRae

I wish I could remember when I wrote this. Or what event of my life it is about.

Night Skies

Walking home on a brisk winter night
I look to the sky and see Orion hung bright.
 
I marvel at all the stars in the sky
And planets that twinkle in the eye.
 
Waiting under the lamppost aglow
Watching my breath linger so slow.
 
The snow is thick on the ground
But I am only looking up tonight
Searching for what can be found.
 
--Andy McRae--       --5/4/20--