Tag: Poem

Beginnings of an End

Beginnings of an End

Sorrow at the days I’ve walked by
I find myself missing those of whom
Are slowly being erased from my memory
Just to prove to me, that the past is past
And I am past that last.

The pain I feel as I wash away their faces
Of those of whom I knew, soon to not,
Is bearable, but terrible, I cannot stand it
I want to shout, but nobody would hear
They are all down there in the drain
To busy being swept away by my rain.

5/16/21 – Andy McRae

I listened to the screams of the dead.

I listened to the screams of the dead.

Echoes bring about thoughts of my own mortality,
Thinking about how they once lived with a duality.
I think that is where the comparison ends,
For I am no musician, and she has already met her end.
This world is cruel to those who try to take,
A look behind the cracks in the wall.
I hear her sonic, vibrant vibrations
Calling me, telling me that there is more
Willing me to see the foundations.
The bedrock of my own mortality,
How I will navigate through my duality.

5/10/21 – Andy McRae

In 2018 a Jill Janus, the lead singer for the metal band Huntress committed suicide. It was hard to see another talented musician’s life end this way, but this one hit me extra hard. She was bipolar, like I. Although I was not having any issues like that it makes you feel like if it can happen to them, it could happen to me. It scared me. Fast forward a couple years, I was listening to Huntress for the first time in a while and it made me think of this and I wrote this poem.

Red Rivers

Red Rivers 

Red rivers, meandering down 
I follow until I drown 
Will I ever see 
That the red rivers were 
Sprung from me 

Red rivers, upon my body floats 
Around a castle like moats 
Will you ever see 
Me drowning in the crowds 
From your towers in the clouds 

Red rivers, at thy feet they amass 
Willow whispers that they rasp 
Will they ever see 
Blinded by the blight 
Will you take them to the light 

Red rivers, I am last 
To an end that has come too fast 
Will I ever see 
A summer breeze sway willow frond 
Or shall I lay here like a frog in a pond 

Red rivers, must I go 
Deltas are near I know 
And I grow cold as snow 
Will I ever know 
Where the Red rivers go. 

4/11/21 - Andy McRae

Impressions

Are impressions marked when two cross

Even for the most fleeting of moments 
Two souls can dance nearer yet never touch
Or two strangers could walk by on the street
Do either leave marked by the other.

A conversation held from minutes to hours
Wanderers and homebodies sharing tales of places
And things wonderful and bygone
Will they remember the other
When these days have long gone by.

Two lovers share an embrace intertwined 
Blooming like a rose bush full of thorns
A relationship doomed, they fall apart
Broken pieces scatter to the wind
Pain drives from memory
Can you recall what you suppress.

Locked in strife, a group struggles
Conflict the game they play, day to day
They lay down war eternal, until, in the end
It breaks, the group dissolves into the mist
They surely will be forgotten by each other
All the pain they inflicted upon each other.

How do we know if we left a mark on another soul
To leave an impression of ones being on another
For a minute, an hour, a day, a year or more
For someone to remember you after an encounter
That is what we strive for as humans
Whether that impression be positive or negative.
 
The strangest part is that it does not go both ways
You may distinctly remember them
Yet they may not even know who you are.

4/3/21 – Andy McRae

Pointed Hearts

Pointed Hearts

Pointed at my heart
A dagger thrust could start
A war over that very part

Pins lodged in my head, hurt
But the blood trickling down
Pools at the foot of my bed

Silent muffled sounds echo
Laughing giggles, roaring should
All in contrast of the whisper

A galaxy spinning in the dark
The part where I missed the spark
Now I wonder, alone, in the park

Head wounds open to the world
I close myself off from the rest
And die from distress

3/28/21 – Andy McRae

Stone Bench

Stone Bench 

I sit alone
On a stone bench
Overlooking the city. 

I am alone
The bench is cold
On this fall night
The air nipping
At my ears
Brrr. 

I pull up my hood
With no plans on leaving.
I have nowhere to be
On this fall evening
No one is expecting me
I am alone. 

The trees are dull and dark
Casting shadows down the hill
I wonder how they sound
When the wind blows
Through the hills
Through the branches. 

I decide to get out my phone
And write. About something
Write away my troubles
A poem to quell the soul
In a dull night droll. 

This is not that poem.
I wrote this poem well over
Half a decade later
I have long forgot what
I wrote that evening,
But I remember. 

I was troubled with life
And I was very much alone. 

3/11/221 – Andy McRae

Morphing Words

Morphing Words

Writing is not going as easily,
The ideas are not coming as fast,
The rhythm of my words is broken
Segmented by how I changed
The turn I took in life. 

My words are different
From before. 

After every turn in the road,
My being morphs
And with it my words change. 

I am unsure if I like these changes.
Having just grown accustomed to
My words and how to use them.
Now I have these new ones,
This new dialect
It feels like I don't even know
how to speak my own language any more. 

Where do I go from here
When my language had broken down
And I struggle to write like I used to. 

Is all but surrendered
To my failure to reproduce the past
Has this doomed me to
Utter misery? 

Or is this a pivotal moment in my existence
An in between written words
When nothing makes sense but soon
My words will flow better than they ever once did. 

Maybe.
Or maybe I just haven't written in a while
And was out of practice.

2/23/21 – Andy McRae

A Drizzle

 A Drizzle
  
 Cascades of rain
 Bath myself in pain
 
 Dirt buried long ago
 In graves deep below
 
 Pains of days long gone
 All night until dawn
 
 Fools go by days
 Out of sun’s rays
 
 While in this cascade
 I am always in shade
 
 And while in this shade
 I am but a cascade
 
 Days fizzle
 While the skies drizzle
 
 12/14/20 – Andy McRae

Its been a little while since my last post. Sorry about that. Life.

Love Over Lie

 Love Over Lie 
 
 Seeing beyond sight
 Take in the transcending light.
 Let it warm your being
 Embrace this feeling. 
 
 Warring sides fight
 And die, in scores.
 Are we winning,
 Or just crumbling inside? 
 
 Never let the dead men decide
 Shelter that being that defies
 Bring forth love
 To beat senseless,
 Pointless dread. 
 
 It's all in your head
 A lie we have all been fed. 
 
 11/17/20 - Andy McRae